In the midst of the stuff.

I am taking a break from packing, partially because I deserve it, partially because I have uncovered too much dust and need to let it settle, and partially because damnit, I'm buggered.

A blog in 3 parts!

1. AFP concert
Last night after my impromptu late night blog post, I went to Amanda Palmer website where I realised that I had overlooked the tour dates there because I thought they were only European dates. To my shock I found a post (that I'd glanced at before) entitled "European and Australian Tour Dates" ... and AUSTRALIAN?!?!?!?! So I raced to see when and where, and discovered that Amanda announced 3 dates in Aus next month. I fretted for a while, wondering if I should book then and there, wondering if they were sold out already, wondering if it was selfish of me to go to Sydney as well as Cairns this month, and NT in March all without Nannal... but finally, thanks to a prompt from my lovely friend Heather, I booked the tickets. Yay!

Amanda Palmer is by far my favourite musician. Not because she has a perfect voice, not because she plays perfect piano - she doesn't have a technically perfect voice, and she can't read music (tho you couldn't tell to listen). I love Amanda Palmer because she puts real soul into her music. She puts real voice and real passion into her music. Its ridiculous how wonderful her music and lyrics make me feel. So... to understate it by a mile, I'm very excited about the upcoming concert.

2. my possessions
I have been going through my things, and with half the furniture missing, it makes my stuff look kind of ... well, like stuff. Piled as it is on whatever available horizontal surface I could find, my things look less meaningful than I usually think they are. Why do I keep it all?

I must have at least 20 bears here at this house... despite most of them still residing at my parents house. I have many trinkets of cats, and dragons and other random things, that I either bought for myself or was given by a friend. I have probably 30 necklaces. More bracelets. I have many many folders. I have too many clothes.

Really, I have to think: if the house burnt down, what would I be devastated that I'd lost? The answer is probably nothing. But I'd be really sad if I lost my oldest teddies...


I'd be quite sad if I lost the dresses mum made me ...



I'd be really upset if I lost the jewellery my family has given me over the years. Either heirlooms or just gifts...


I'd be sad about other things too... but in that circumstance I think I would also feel relief. I have bought or aquired so many things that try to represent who I think I am, and who others think I am that I manage to easily lose myself in them. The opposite of what we try to achieve through accumulation occurs...

That said, I still can't throw away all these boxes... but I'm starting.



3. no visitors to my site

The third part of this blog brings into question the purpose for this blog at all... I actually think absolutely no one reads this blog. While some people might be disappointed by this, I find it quite ... what's the word? It gives me the freedom to express exactly what I want.

That's the reason I don't blog so much on facebook, or at least why I don't blog as much as I did when I frequented that other social networking site that arguably started the "everyone must do it!" social networking craze - myspace. On facebook my blogs are announced to everyone who I am friends with, and its much easier for them to find it. On myspace, I was friends with less people who I didn't know that well, and I knew less of the people I was friends with would care to look at what I'd blogged.

Here, however, I feel the freedom to just write and not really bother so much with what anyone I know might think of me. I shouldn't worry so much about it, but really I do. And I think anyone who blogs would think it from time to time. How stifling to know that my friend from year 7 would read my deepest fears and silliest anecdotes if I told them. To those people who I barely know anymore I want to appear uncomplexly together and happy. To the people who want to know me, who can be bothered to read this or listen to whatever I say, they can read this and recognise it as very much a part of the real Amanda. Well, I hope so anyway.

hm...
I think I have well and truly exhausted my break time now.
Back to boxes; back to contemplating the importance of my stuff, my life, my space.

x