Being in 2009...

I can't believe its 2009. Its so futuristic... I mean, I finished primary school a decade ago! (Yes, that does make me young...)

Also I turn 23 this year. Holy crap. That means I'm well into being an adult. Its my fifth year out of highschool. Its amazing. Although... I really feel like I should be doing more in 2009.

This will be my first year not studying - my first year out of University. I feel that I get alot of my sense of meaning from study. Its what I know, and what I am good at. Sure, I am also pretty good at customer service, I'm a good listener... I like writing and being creative etc., etc., but really, what I've always made a big part of my identity is "school" - learning, studying, writing, reading, being academic-like and what not.

It will be interesting to see how long I can last without it. If I will be able to fracture my strong association with study from my sense of self. I mean, I am much more than what I'm learning. I am much more than a student!

If you think about it, I probably should have looked in to teaching, or some kind of involvement with education, because I guess I do have passion for it. However, without any subjects taken at Uni that are taught at Highschool level, I've kind of limited my options.

Anyway. This year I have to focus on different things. Study can become a hobby. I have to focus on saving to buy a house... I have to focus on getting a job that I enjoy, and that is somewhat related to my abilities.
I have to focus on maintaining my relationship. I've been with Nannal for over 3 years now, and both new and old insecurities are starting to come in again. We've been together so long, that I worry he's getting bored with me, annoyed with me ... wanting to get with someone new, different and less... well, crazy. Then on the other hand I worry that I'm just with him because... I'm with him. Shouldn't my 20s be a time for experimenting and branching out? Of course, I'm with him because I love him. I find him entertaining and challenging (in good and bad ways). I find him sexy! I find him adorable. THAT is why I'm with him. But it doesn't stop the "I wonder if..." impulse.

PLUS - I have to focus on getting to know my new nephew, due in late March, early April! Sure, he won't have much to say for the first year or so, but I'm sure he'll let me know him well enough via other means.

So ... I'm going to stop blogging now, and start looking at random options on the internet. Maybe I should volunteer for a while? Maybe I should start writing creatively again? ...

Who knows?


Welcome to 2009, the future- though it looks much the same as the past.