On getting one's arse into gear....

I finally came down to Adelaide today to get started with the packing. I'm glad I did because it makes me realise just how much I have to do. I really have to go through things and start getting rid of a WHOLE HEAP of CRAP. Not that I actually own anything that is purely crap... most things I bought, or someone gave to me. But still, I don't need it all do I?

So I have made a decision to be ruthless. Things that stay must only be things that I 1) can use, 2) absolutely love/make me smile 3) or Nannal can use or absolutely loves/makes him smile. Which means a lot of stuff that I feel I should keep will be disappearing. Not in the bin... but to the salvos (lucky them... I think).

The problem I have is that I see things that I think will help better define who I think I am to the world. I have to stop doing this... I have to stop buying into this basic appeal of STUFF that keeps consumerism going. Yes, that vase is pretty, but it doesn't in any way add to who I am. Who I am exists beyond things, beyond matter, beyond thought. So - what's the use of a vase? Its not like I keep flowers...

Unfortunately looking at all this stuff also makes me reform attachments to things. Like all the teddy bears or stuffed animals I own - when will I ever need those? I don't have children. I am not a child any more... So really, I should only be hanging on to the most important ones. But when I go to get rid of them I look at them and remember getting them, remember how soft they are, and remember the little personality that I and/or my sister have attributed to them. How can I give them away???

*Sigh* but I must.

So goodbye useless trinkets!
Goodbye excessive soft toys!
Goodbye stickers!
Goodbye too many kitchen utensils!

And more... I hope!
I can't afford the boxes if I keep all my stuff, so there's more motivation...

Being slack...

Today I have spent virtually the whole day ... virtually. I have been sitting in front of my computer for hours. Well, not just my computer, but my boyfriends too... does that make it worse or better? Oh well.

The day has been spent looking up houses, lots of land, building companies ... jobs possibilities, council positions, ideas for finishing off an application letter (I always sound so awkward) ... and of course, a little bit of time on facebook, gmail, google reader, youtube, and all my other guilty on line pleasures.

The annoying thing is that I was supposed to be getting a lot of packing done this week. We have to be out of our current house in 22 days. And really, I haven't started. I need to pack books, go through nicknacks (throw away some to make room for new ones) and clothes ... I have to pack the kitchen, the spare room and clear off the table - being ruthless of course! Mustn't horde...

But I just can't get my arse into gear. I think I might have to go back tomorrow. Spend at least a day doing what I was supposed to be doing. And then, when I come up to the Barossa I can face the heavy task of moving into the rumpas room of my partner's parents' place. That's right - I said it.

Because our lease runs out very very soon, and because we want to buy/build a house, we have been forced to accept a temporary offer of staying in the back room of Nannal's parent's house. Its more like a granny flat - detached from the main house, with its own bathroom and a little bar with a sink. So it won't be that bad. Still, it will be wierd.

Nannal's Mum made me feel better when she explained that while she and Rodney were building this place, they had to stay in Rodney's parents' shed. They stayed there for - THREE YEARS - ... When I relayed this to Nannal I added "I am NOT staying here for THREE YEARS" to which he, amused, replied "ok".

But ... at least we have somewhere to stay.
Unlike my employment situation. I have a degree - technically I have two degrees... but I don't have a job yet. I was pretty confident that I would at least get to the second stage of a job I applied for a couple of weeks ago, but unfortunately I didn't. So now I'm stuck with lowered self-esteem, and a degree that isn't doing much good on its own. Yes, I always knew that I would have to argue for the applicability of my degree ... But I didn't think I would fail.

I am trying to stay positive and be all philosophical etc... I will get the job I'm supposed to get, and we'll get the house we're supposed to have. But its hard.

Then who ever said it would be easy?

(Note: apparently someone told Nannal it would be easy, because he is constantly complaining about how HARD life is... lol... he's such a grump).

After Christmas...

Its that little time of year somewhere between Christmas and New Years when I get particularly reminiscent. I can't believe a whole year has passed... "Why not?" well...

2008 and has been a big, big, big year for me.
1. I completed my Honours degree this year. That's right, I'm now Amanda Claire Wells, B.A., Hons. bitches.
2. I quit my job at BP - finally! 4 years at BP, and I was bored to tears.
3. My Grandfather died in May. Not one thing in particular killed him... I guess you would say he died of old age. He was barely there anymore anyway, but then this kidneys started to fail, he got a blood infection and got pneumonia. Vale, Granddad.
4. My Mum was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. DON'T PANIC - Vital facts: caught VERY early. It was a super fast growing cancer but it was detected so early on that it hadn't spread. She's fine. Her hair is growing back after chemo and she still has two boobs... that's the important thing... /sarcasm.
5. My Grandmother almost died... then didn't ... then almost died again... but then recovered.
6. My sister got pregnant... its fine though, because by the time the baby's born she'll be 20 so its not a baby born to a teen, quite.

And other things that happened to people around me that affected me too.
BIG YEAR.

But looking back, it has also been a good year. I have always tried to argue that the things that have happened this year could be interpretted in positive lights too.

For example, my grandfathers death: while its horrible for us that he's gone, at least we got to say goodbye. He didn't die instantly, he held on. And we could all go and see him, and accept that this had to happen. It wasn't fun, but it was better than nothing.

My mother's cancer: caught so early its ridiculous. She had actually put off the mammogram by 6 months. If she'd had it when she was supposed to, there would have been nothing to detect... which means that her next one wouldn't have been for 2 years. Which means it would have been so big by say now, December 2008 that she would have been able to feel it, it would have spread and who knows what else...

My Grandmother's almost dying: made everyone realise how difficult her life with our other Grandfather is. The move to a retirement home is underway, and we won't have to worry so much about them not looking after themselves.... not that they're children... but they are both old, frail, and stubborn. Not so good.

You get the drift.

Despite all this though, I think I would like to make it my wish that next year brings more balance, less turbulence and a distinct lack of hospital visits, thanks very much.


2009 - New Years ... goals. They aren't resolutions.... I haven't resolved to do anything, but I would LIKE to do somethings.

1. Buy a house.
2. Lose a little bit of weight.
3. Build some savings up.
4. Start more frequent communication with Amy.
5. Get a job... a job that relates to my degree, or at least my interests.
6. Write for the pleasure of writing.
7. Draw for the pleasure of drawing.
8. Visit Granny at least once on my own.