The Meaning of Squeals

This year so far has contained 2 distinct "Eeeeeeeee!" moments. You know, moments that make you squeal uncontrollably due to an explosion of awesome.

1) Finding out the Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman are engaged. And are planning to follow through and actually get married. That's awesome on its own, but imagining the awesomeness at the actual event? My God. Its good that I'm not their IRL friend, because if I were invited I would be a mess of squeals and sobs of happiness/awesome overload.

2) Seeing the new ALLCAPS video (here) ... and at about 3:00 seeing Kristina and Luke kiss. Omg. Lol. I'm such a fan girl... But when I figured out that they'd finally got together I was super excited, so seeing evidence and seeing such happiness made me squeal like a tool. Again, its a good thing I'm not friends with them in real life. They would most likely back away from me as if I were a zombie.


Now all this squealing leads me to the following conclusion: I'm becoming a softy girly girl in my old age. Well, in my 23-years-old-age, which doesn't really count as old age to most, but if you ask my past teenaged self, she would say that if I'm getting mushy I must be old.

I don't really care though. I'm much more comfortable in myself now than I was then. I tried so hard when I was younger, to present a certain image of myself to others that would simultaneously make me look cool, a bit scary and intelligent. This was mostly so that people wouldn't judge me in any way inferior. I guess that's probably because I'm secretly rather judgemental, and I assume everyone else is as well.

Anywho. I don't care that much about what people think of me anymore. I mean, yes I still care a little bit - that's normal and healthy I think. And yes I still try to pull off a certain image to people who I don't know at all, or don't know that well, but nowadays I'm more happy to explore all aspects of my personality, whether they contradict what I'd like to think about myself or not.

Righto. Now I'm just going to get all fangirly about AllCaps again, and watch all their videos because they are awesome.

<3