Comfort and Mud

Alright! So - here is some poetry that I've come up with. These are two I wrote yesterday.

Comfort

You are buttered menthol

to my throat raw from screaming.

Your hands thrust my arms 

above my head - clasped -

your mouth closes tight

on my lips - stops

the sound from leaking out;

swallow it whole,

and make me quiet.

Mud

We're all made of mud, I think.

How else to explain it?

Sticky, messy lives. 

Gritty, thrown together, not planned -

and the scientists always say

the key to life is water, don't they?

We're churned, and mixed and thrown together;

We're dirty and horrible and get in

each other's noses, smeared

on each other's skin.

Sometimes trodden upon, and sometimes,

in wiser hands than my own

built into something beautiful,

fired in a kiln to last.

But we dry up, and we crack - when theat

essence of life, water, runs dry - we crack

and find it hard to move. Aching bones

arthritic fingers stretch, creaking towards

muddier times so that the dry-sore skin

might be quenched.

But it isn't so easy as metaphor.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust and I

want to go back to mud.

Renaissance

It is I, sporadic blogger.

I've been having a bit of a creative renaissance lately. I'm not sure what has sparked it, though I have my suspicions that it isn't 100% healthy.

For reasons that I won't go into in too much detail, my moods have changed a bit lately. I'm less *controlled*, which has been both nice and scary.

One of the upsides is that I am tapping into a creative energy I hadn't realised I'd lost. I have been painting and drawing and writing with scary compulsion. And it hasn't been shit - to my eye, anyway. So I'm thinking I might start using my blog here to post some things, just so that I can look back and go "Oh yeh - remember that time I went crazy and started being an "artist" again?"

Good times....

So I guess the trend is now one blog a year?

2013: So far it has been pretty good.

Got married yesterday ... So there is that...

Seriously, we went to the Registry Office a bit over a month ago and chose the date. Yesterday Mum, Dad, Teeni, her fiance Jono, her son Charlie, Nathaniel's Mum and Dad, Nathaniel's sister Shelly, Nathaniel's sister's fiance Lewis, and our friends Hellie and Jud all turned up at the office and away we went! Cream knee-length dress, small bouquet of flowers, shiny white-gold rings and there you have it- I'm a married woman.

Also Brisbane flooded, but not nearly as badly as Bundaberg or the Lockyer valley, as usual. Pretty bad.

What else?

I'm studying this year - quit my job this Saturday past.

I'm doing a Grad. Dip. in Humanities, majoring in English Literature, so that I can do a Grad. Dip. in Education - Senior Years (teaching Social Science and English most likely).

Exciting stuff!

This is SO VERY disjointed, but that's ok. I'd forgotten this method of over-sharing even existed, what with Facebook and Twitter and what-not.

Perhaps I'll blog once more this year - who knows? - as I will be studying which tends to lead to procrastinating which tends to lead to the internet...

Much love,

Mrs. Amanda

Update (belated)

Long... LONG time no blog.

More than a year.

What's happened in the last year? Well I work full time now which is great because I feel more like I'm checking the boxes in the "life achievement" lists*. But it is still at  the Reception of an apartment building and I still feel like I'm waiting for my "real life" to begin.

I'm currently doing the 12 Week Body Transformation program (12wbt.com) and going well so far. I've been slowly trying to lose weight since February 2010 and am getting somewhere. I started off at nearly 95kgs (!!!!!) and got down to 79ish when we moved to Queensland (July 2010). Then I got back up to 85, and now I'm back down to 76kg. And nearly 5 of those kilos have come off in 2 weeks :P

My goal for the next 10 weeks is to get down to 68kg. Safely under 70 - and then the next goal is to STAY safely under 70. If I can get to 64.4kg (don't worry - that's healthy according to my BMI and also my weight 10 years ago) then I will be able to say "I lost 30kg!" which would be amazing... and a bit embarrassing!


Actually those goals with numbers and milestones etc., are more "mini-goals". My BIG goal is to be a fit, healthy, happy person. One of the really BIG milestones to prove that I'm there will come in September when I'm going to run the Bridge to Brisbane. TEN KILOMETRES! Yes: 10! In my wildest dreams I never would have considered running 10 kilometres, yet I've signed up, I've paid registration and I'm going to do it.

I did a test yesterday - I wanted to see how far I could walk in 85 minutes (the maximum for the 10k jogger group that I'm signed up for). I made it 7.6km before my hips started to really complain, and I'd been going for about 70 minutes. Not so bad!

My next steps are to:

• Run non-stop for 2km.
• Walk 10km in 85 minutes.
• Run and walk 10km.
• Run non-stop for 3km.
• Run and walk 10km faster than previously.
• Run non-stop for 4km.

Etc.

I don't think I will be able to run 10km non-stop by September. I mean, I will try! But I'm just so stoked that I can actually run any sort of distance at all, that that is enough. For now.

Maybe my next goal will be to run 10km non-stop in the Bridge to Brisbane 2013... 

Ah if only high-school Amanda could see me now. She'd think I'm insane! And also a bit lame :P

Well, wish me luck! I'm going to go for a walk (not quite 10km today - don't want to hurt the hips), and apply for a job - days off are awesome!

XO

*Life achievement lists is something that I have in my head: things I'm supposed to have done to qualify as a successful adult. It isn't particularly healthy I'm sure, and I know when I get to the end of my life I'm not going to be graded depending on how I've done... but they are sort of goals that I feel I'd like to accomplish. I know they are socially constructed and blah blah blah. But just because they are socially constructed doesn't mean I can't want them! 

I think it is important to realise that they are socially influenced ideas of what you "should do", and understand that your happiness is not dependent on these things. It doesn't mean you shouldn't try to get them if you want them. There: self-justifying over!

Initial Enthusiasm Dampened

So my ''bursting with excitement!!!'' moment is over. And I'm back to reality - which for me lately consists of being depressed about where my life is going. (Seriously - I have such first world troubles!)

I have completed an undergraduate degree, an honours degree, and a post-graduate certificate. And I work part-time in a reception. And what else? Oh, well I play World of Warcraft, and I work on my family tree, but is that what I want to be doing with my life?

I am not studying anymore, so I can no longer get away with the excuse that "I'm waiting for real life to begin" because this is it, folks... This is real life. Me, sitting at my computer lamenting the fact that the people who I apply to for jobs don't get that I actually want to do something more with my life.

This is despite the fact that this is actually all ok - I'm saving up for my big trip OS. I couldn't exactly get a job now and say at the outset "Oh, and I'll need a full month off in July because I'm going to a Harry Potter conference, and then a brief jaunt to the UK and Hong Kong... ok?" That'd be rude. (I know - I could...)

So really I should be making the most of this time of only working 15 hours a week, and filling my life with hobbies, and baking and self-improvement. But unfortunately all these things only have their appeal if you don't have time for them... Such is life.

My suggestions for myself:

Do a short course - you love study, do more of it!

Volunteer work - you'll feel useful!

PAINT - You lazy artist, you.

Write and research - When will you have the time for your brain-crack ideas if you get a full-time job, huh?

Good point self. Good point. Now to attempt to pull self out of funk...

Oh my how time flies.

Wow ... long time no blog eh?

What has happened since... (!!!) October 2010?

• I turned 24 years old.
• I got a brand spankin' new iMac! This was a birthday present from my lovely man... Thank goodness my parents were there or I would have probably done something to show my gratitude right then and there in the living room (with sheer curtains).
• I bought my plane tickets for my Overseas trip this year (I actually can't remember when this happened - but OMG still so excited!)
• I went back to SA in November for the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 - Can I just say, so AMAZING. That movie is the only one where I can say that I absolutely loved it with no reservations. Even the bits that they missed were not important, and the things that they changed actually made it better! Unbelievable!
• I went back to SA again in December for Christmas. It was lovely actually - But made me realise how very different my cousins and I are! All except 2 would barely even make eye contact with me, and I find that very bizarre. Those few hours where all the cousins were there were probably some of the most uncomfortable I've had in a long time!
• I finished my degree - that's number three folks. Yes I am now Amanda Claire Wells B.A., Hons. (Anth.), Grad. Cert. (Crim & Crim. Jus.). Just watch the letters grow!

Then it was new years, then people visited, then ... well, I've done little else but play World of Warcraft and find even more branches to my family tree.

Then there were floods - we were fine. We are just far enough back from the river to have been unaffected, even though we are literally 15 metres from the rivers edge - it is ever so slightly uphill. We watched the boardwalk go under, streets go under, debris (including a restaurant) float past all the while feeling very odd. Everything that you saw on the news just didn't add up with what we could see simply because we were soooo lucky! The whole experience was dream-like.

Which pretty much leads me to now...

Lately I have been feeling very ... lacklustre. Actually downright lost! Having a part-time job is not conducive to feeling productive. And when I have exhausted my enthusiasm for my hobbies (Genealogy and WoW), I really don't have anything left to do.

I have been seriously contemplating doing further study just to occupy my mind and make me feel useful again...

Then today, while listening to a literary analysis of the Harry Potter series via Podcasts various, it hit me - why the hell can't I write a book or even article about Harry Potter from my own perspective? Why can't I apply anthropological theory and concepts to Harry Potter? Sure, the time for this sort of book is past - 2 or 3 years ago would have been perfect. But lets be honest here, I would not be doing this for money or fame. I would be doing this because I need to do this.

I am defined by many things in my mind. One of those things is my love of study and academia. Another of those things is my passion for Harry Potter. So many people do not understand this - but Harry Potter is so very much more than just a children's book series. Yes, it is that. But it is also an epic narrative about love, death, change and choice - how universal is that?

The world created in these novels is so intricate that I could use that as a way of illuminating western Culture in general - but even better, the popularity of the books and particularly the fandom (which has its strongest foothold on the internet) makes for a wonderful application of anthropological theory and themes...

BURSTING WITH EXCITEMENT.

I've already started to brainstorm, and I've even sourced several books I can read (apart from the canon of course!) to help me on my way.

That's my life in a nutshell! I live in an apartment that I rarely leave with Nathaniel, my iMac and the internet. Doesn't sound too exciting does it? Just you wait!

Nice Surprise

Well its a nice day Brisbane today, as opposed to the last week where its been pretty rainy and overcast. Of course, on a nice day like this I find out that I have a 4000 word case study to write by next Monday - yes, that's seven days away - which is worth SIXTY PERCENT of my mark for this subject. My god. I won't be going outside for a little while I think.

So why am I blogging? Well it isn't as bad as it looks. I'm not REALLY procrastinating, because this is part of my plan. I haven't written anything in a while, so I have kind of lost the "roll", if you will. You know when you are on a roll when you are writing - you feel the words flowing, you feel inspired, and you don't go "Oooooh GROAN... can't someone else do this for me?" I'd like to avoid that as much as possible. So in a sense I'm flexing my writing muscles. See? Its not so bad.

Anyway - I'm off to figure out what theory I'm going to use, research it, and understand it enough to make it look like I know what I'm talking about to other people :-P FUN!